The Win Report

Eyes are dry now but they’ll be wet again When he’s breaking my heart by bruising my skin Reawakening the bruises that he’s caused within Trying to make it seem as though it is not a sin When He hits or tries to bruise my physical He’s steady bruising my mental and my spiritual I’m thinking that it’s time for me to just let go Let go of his body and get rid of his lies But his eyes…? They won’t let me know freedom So deep, so beautiful making me never wanna leave ‘em Cuz this? This is only love I’ve ever known The only man I’ve ever shown… All of me And…I’m scared to be alone But, I’m scared even worse when he gets home Scared that he’ll hurt me Or break me Or scream Or shake me From my head to my heart… All the way down to my core Sore; That’s my body And Bruised; That’s my mind So torn and tormented Because of the way he makes me cry Even though I love him No one will understand They won’t get that I Never had anyone hold my hand …Until him No one else can ever feel me But I can feel him Only he Was listening When I needed someone to reach out In the beginning when I first fell he would let me speak out Vividly, Vibrantly And without restraint He loved me; he’d vibe with me And never complain But since THAT day…? I’ll never forget… The change in his eyes when I spoke a little too slick The look that he gave me that shook my insides And before I could cry He struck the side of my face… And all the self esteem I once possessed was replaced With a disgrace That has stained my soul And now every day I cry And every night I die A little more Wondering how I let him tear me down from a woman I was before To the scared little girl I am now Knowing that somehow The “love” has been forever changed now Even deranged now And so strained now And I often wonder how I let him bruise my stomach…arms…eyes… He bruises my spirit…my existence…my life And he’s bruised all the times The memories that we’ve shared Because all the things we’ve cared about together? Will never, never matter again Because being abused by the one you crave = dying slowly within And he’s even bruised my sense of trust Because he’s bruised what I thought was a safe, secure love But, even though my body and the love is bruised And I know, I might not live to form another smile I still love him… Regardless of the fact that he’s got me crying again right now…

www.originalpoetry.com

Simply put, intimacy is more than sex or making love. It’s more
than the physical or even emotional connection you feel with
your partner. Intimacy involves a soul connection between two
people.

While instant chemistry can be exciting and thrilling, the
chemistry that makes marriages work usually grows over time.
This special chemistry between two people involves excellent
communication and self sacrifice more than physical attraction.
It takes trust, patience, and willingness to talk and to listen.

With greater intimacy, married partners can have a more
satisfying and fulfilling romantic life. They can learn what
pleases each other. For example, your wife may not like flowers
all of the time. She may desire a massage, or a well cooked
meal. Or your husband may not want the latest fashionable
sweater. It’s a clean car or your full attention, he desires
most.

Being able to express what you want is important and genuinely
listening to your spouse are key factors in building an intimate
romance. Unfortunately, these skills aren’t fully developed in
most marriages, so as the saying goes: “Married people can be
some of the loneliest people in the world.”

What generally inhibits partners from building deeper
relationships with each other?

Cary Barbor writes, “One partner (often the woman) will fight to
break down defenses and create more intimacy while the other
(often the man) will withdraw and create distance. So the “dance
of intimacy” follows: If the woman gets too close, the man pulls
back. If he moves too far away, she pursues, and so on.” –
Finding Real Love - Intimacy and Alienation, Psychology Today
(Jan 2001)

She also comments that we often try to recreate and fulfill our
childhood desires through our marriage partners. We’re attracted
to people because they remind us of our parents (OR what we
wanted our parents to be). When we realize that they are too
much like our mother or our father, we become frustrated,
communication breaks down, and we build self-protecting “walls”.

So how can you grow in intimacy with your marriage partner? Here
are some keys to unlock the mystery of deeper intimacy.

Determine what you really need out of the relationship.
Is friendship more important than financial stability? Or must
the bills be paid on time even if your spouse doesn’t have much
time with you? Can you sacrifice long conversations for more
affectionate behavior? Or do you need to talk things out no
matter how long it takes? The list can go on.

Determine what your spouse really needs. At first your
husband or wife may be reluctant to share what he or she needs.
They may have never really thought about it in an organized
fashion. Maybe it would help to have him/her write down his/her
desires when he/she is relaxed. Some suggestions: do a really
nice deed for your partner like, drawing a warm bath or cooking
a nice meal. Then ask them to take the time to think about what
they need in the relationship.

Make an effort to change your behavior everyday. If your
partner needs more space, draw back a little. If they need more
of your time, tune out any distractions and pay attention to
your spouse. You may start with fifteen or twenty minutes with
no TV, phone, computer, radio, etc. and then gradually increase
your time to one to two hours of uninterrupted time per day.

Finally, take care of yourself. If you are frazzled, you
won’t be a fun person to be around. Make sure that you have your
own “me” time everyday where you can pray, meditate, and take
care of your personal needs. Whether it’s writing in a journal,
reading a good book, giving yourself a manicure, or just vegging
out, do it. You and your spouse will be happy you did.

Have you been struggling with getting a divorce so you can be in a new relationship? Are you in love and do you want to marry the person you have met?

You are no different from the rest of us–you want to be happy in a relationship with a life partner. However, you are in danger of falling into one of the common relationship traps that happen when we don’t know how to solve the problems of our own life.

A trap is an unsolvable problem that can drive us into the arms of another, thinking we can get our needs met there…instead of looking within to find what it is we are missing in our life. A trap results in unhappiness and relationship failure. If you are not careful, you may repeat this pattern over and over.

What can you do to alleviate the marriage to divorce to marriage challenge?

Confront and handle emotional neediness with a professional.

The roar of fear is louder than these words, but if you can listen, you are in danger of going from one relationship to another with no growing time in-between. Be careful about becoming committed to someone before knowing who he or she is. You may think you know, but unless you are making this choice from a place of emotional strength and financial independence, you have some other alternatives going on.

Work with a counselor on the issues of who you are and what your ideal life would look like.

It’s hard to discover that when you are married to one person and longing to be with someone else. Once you are committed or married to the new person, there is great pressure to make the relationship work. There is no time or space for you to discover you.

What are the qualities and characteristics you want and need in a relationship? Are you sure this new person has them, or are you doing some projecting?

If you are in the process of getting a divorce, you are not ready to make a careful relationship choice, and determine if someone is right for you. Develop a vision for your life. Get clear about your purpose. Get some help understanding your choices and what drives them.

Are you expecting this new person to be your ideal partner, and to live happily ever after without any of the same issues from your past marriage resurfacing?

It’s a big leap from the immature belief of finding Prince Charming or Cinderella, to taking personal responsibility for yourself and your relationship choices. We all have to grow enough to know how to be a person of choices, not just grab onto a life raft that comes floating by.

If you need to clutch onto something or someone for support or help or hope…get some counseling soon. You deserve a life of happiness, peace, and love. Unfortunately, you probably will not find it if you fall into the marriage to divorce to marriage syndrome.

Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)

Choosing your wedding rings is one of the most exciting parts of
the whole experience. Your wedding rings are more than keepsakes
and are signs of the love and trust you share.

When you decide to choose your wedding rings where should you
start? The first thing to do when you are ready to look for
wedding rings is to decide how much you want to spend. Many
people decide that a month’s salary is right while others spend
much more or much less.

Wedding rings can be purchased almost anywhere. There are even
discount stores that have wedding rings. On the other end of the
spectrum you will be able to find wedding rings at very
expensive and exclusive stores and boutiques.

After you have decided on the wedding ring budget you can start
visiting various jewelry stores. You will soon realize which
wedding rings really appeal to you.

If you want to surprise your bride but still need a little
guidance you can take her to look at wedding rings. It won’t be
long and you will be able to discern which wedding rings she
likes the best.

Maybe you would rather choose the wedding rings together.
Another great way to choose wedding rings is to go online and
look at all the choices available. When you look at wedding
rings online you will find thousands of rings to choose from.
Just make sure the sites are reputable and use high quality gems
and materials.

If you want to design your own wedding rings you can look at
jewelry stores that feature this choice. This can sometimes be
more expensive but the end result will be wedding rings that are
very unique. You may also be able to find websites that allow
you design your wedding rings. You can look at all the
possibilities and design a special set of wedding rings together.

With these wedding rings….