The Win Report

Have you been struggling with getting a divorce so you can be in a new relationship? Are you in love and do you want to marry the person you have met?

You are no different from the rest of us–you want to be happy in a relationship with a life partner. However, you are in danger of falling into one of the common relationship traps that happen when we don’t know how to solve the problems of our own life.

A trap is an unsolvable problem that can drive us into the arms of another, thinking we can get our needs met there…instead of looking within to find what it is we are missing in our life. A trap results in unhappiness and relationship failure. If you are not careful, you may repeat this pattern over and over.

What can you do to alleviate the marriage to divorce to marriage challenge?

Confront and handle emotional neediness with a professional.

The roar of fear is louder than these words, but if you can listen, you are in danger of going from one relationship to another with no growing time in-between. Be careful about becoming committed to someone before knowing who he or she is. You may think you know, but unless you are making this choice from a place of emotional strength and financial independence, you have some other alternatives going on.

Work with a counselor on the issues of who you are and what your ideal life would look like.

It’s hard to discover that when you are married to one person and longing to be with someone else. Once you are committed or married to the new person, there is great pressure to make the relationship work. There is no time or space for you to discover you.

What are the qualities and characteristics you want and need in a relationship? Are you sure this new person has them, or are you doing some projecting?

If you are in the process of getting a divorce, you are not ready to make a careful relationship choice, and determine if someone is right for you. Develop a vision for your life. Get clear about your purpose. Get some help understanding your choices and what drives them.

Are you expecting this new person to be your ideal partner, and to live happily ever after without any of the same issues from your past marriage resurfacing?

It’s a big leap from the immature belief of finding Prince Charming or Cinderella, to taking personal responsibility for yourself and your relationship choices. We all have to grow enough to know how to be a person of choices, not just grab onto a life raft that comes floating by.

If you need to clutch onto something or someone for support or help or hope…get some counseling soon. You deserve a life of happiness, peace, and love. Unfortunately, you probably will not find it if you fall into the marriage to divorce to marriage syndrome.

Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)